The Official Nonsense Thread

[Caspin]

Feels as though my head is in a vice today. Bloody pollen's all lodged in my sinuses I reckon.

Enjoyed my breakfast, though, with eggs from my friend's hens on Bodmin!



Lovely yellow yolks and strangely pointy ends. He can tell which chuck laid an egg by their looking at its shape and shell features.

And now back to urban reality. Time to multi-task! Going to do some Sims while following the footy on the iPad. Then curry and beer. Yup, I'm urban.

[Minty]

I used to love a boiled egg in the morning. Or was that lunch? The trouble is I only like the yolk, so it feels such a waste as opposed to an omelette. But there's times only dunking a good 3 minuter will do.

Dundee United beat the evil orc bigots yesterday, so no Scottish Cup final for Rangers either, & Gretna's record as the only third-tier club to reach a Scottish Cup final remains intact. There's a boycott from supporters for buying their season tickets after it was revealed they made a loss of £18 million, & with any luck they'll be bankrupted by the summer.

Crying shame for Wigan, but what an achievement for a Championship side. I can't see FC Sean Bean beating Dull City, but stranger has happened.

Am I really the only one out there who could not care one bit about this Pistorius trial. Really, really am fed up with the blanket coverage it's getting. He's guilty as sin, everyone knows he's not got a leg to stand on, yet they're stringing this trial out longer than the Hobbit films!

Speaking of Hobbits, watched the Desolation of Smaug last night. Much better than the first movie. Smaug was brilliant, but trust Legolas to steal it with an even more over the top battle performance than in Return Of The King. It was total baloney & I loved every minute of it!

If anyone made Lake Town for Sims 3 I think I'd squeegasm to death.

Question of the day, is this girl on the right hiding weapons of mass destruction or a disappeared jumbo jet in her head?

[Caspin]

You only like the yolks? Crumbs. I used to always eat boiled eggs for breakfast as a kid. My poor mother must have spent a lot of time cooking eggs for me. I don't think of having them so often nowadays, but when I do eat one I really, really enjoy it. Note to self: eat more eggs.

No I am not very interested in the Pistorius trial either. Well, I was interested in the fact that there's no jury. And I was amazed to watch some live trial coverage while I was waiting for someone in a cafe - there were people in the court down on their knees beating up a replica bathroom door with a bat - to see whether it was likely that he was on his stumps at the time, or not. Sometimes court cases for the most serious crimes can turn into terrible farces.

As for your picture there, Minty, I don't think either of those girls' hairdressers should have been paid for those coiffures!

I'm glad you got caught up with your Hobbit movies. The Smaug one was really fun. The bit where the dwarves are in barrels was great.

Some good footy results this weekend.

Hopefully next week I can go to watch an actual match with my real live eyes, while I'm in the north. Better remember to pack my scarf.

[Caspin]

Would you believe I am still trying to get through the laundry mountain that I'd accumulated last Friday! Fingers crossed I can finish it soon.

In the meantime I have been making Treebeards out of broccoli stalks.




I think the likeness is uncanny. I should possibly carve him a face.

[Minty]

Brilliant!

But can you make an Eye of Sauron with a Cadbury's Creme Egg & a Curly Wurly?

[Caspin]

Eye of Sauron you want now? Hmmmmm. Well, seeing as it's you, I will give it a try. I have no Curly Wurly (do they even still make them - I'm sure I haven't seen one since I was about 10 years old) and I've gone off Creme Eggs.

However I have done my best with some fire-coloured peppers and a shitake mushroom for the eye.



Or, if you prefer, I had another go with a chopped mango, some raspberries and a kiwi fruit eye.



I'm afraid that's the best I can do!

[Ollie]

That fruit dish sure does looking delicious-wait where'd it go?! Sorry, I must've eaten it all.

[Caspin]

Ollie! Did you leave no fruit for anyone else? Very shocking. See - this is why I'm always in the bloomin' kitchen, coz people keep scoffing everything! Chained to the chopping board, that's me. Oh well, at least you'll get your five-a-day.

In a couple of hours I will be on the train to the north. Hopefully everything will be on time and the train will not be too hot or busy (wishful thinking, I know).

Catch you later.

[Caspin]

Well I guess I really jinxed things there. Got to station over an hour early to find it closed and surrounded by police. A taxi had caught fire in the underground car park beneath the station. Quite a few delays, therefore, but not too terrible and plenty of information available. Excellent chance to practise my self-control listening to people making melodramatic, highly exaggerated phonecalls along the lines of "the station is on fire and I may not get home tonight!!!" Erm, no, a delay of one hour is not that bad and why are you freaking out your loved ones with terrifying claims of a major incident at a London station in rush hour? funking thoughtless self-absorbed idiots.

Luckily I'm a jammy thing and my train left on time. I consider it a reward from the railway gods for calm behaviour.

Don't get me started on the people on the train though. I'm in danger of borrowing Minty's soapbox. Phew for headphones to block out this tripe. And the mini-bar. My saviour.

Grumble grumble grumble. Sorry. Normal service will resume shortly.

[Minty]

Can't blame you. I could understand people exaggering if going into work, but not if coming home & worrying your family in the process).

I applaud your mango Eye of Sauron. A plateful of mangos would never last long enough with me to be made into anything

Speaking of railway gods, the wotsit is going to hit the fan as word's been leaked out Virgin trains have been spending six times more on train rolling stock than the East Coast line currently under government control.

Hearts have finally been freed from the Lithuanians, the last of whom have agreed to let Ann Budge take over & see if she can sort them out before the fan organisation takes over in five years time. A big relief all round & that makes it eight out of eight for Bryan Jackson when it comes to getting football clubs out of admin without liquidation.

The other big news up here is that two congregations are quitting the Church of Scotland over the ordination of gay ministers. On the surface it doesn't appear much, but it turns out between them each contributes a staggering £315 000 to the CoS's central coffers. Last year the famous Tron church in Glasgow had to be shut because everyone upped & left over the same issue, losing them £300 000 a year from one of their biggest contributers. There's another eleven of their churches about to announce they're also leaving, & this could end up The Disruption part 2. Back in the 19th a third left to form the Free Church of Scotland over political interference in the appointment of ministers, & it took the CoS about 80 years to recover from the blow. That was back in the days of plenty of bums on pews, this one could prove to be a more fatal blow. I've lost count of the number of old churches that are now "Charlie Chalks" (nurseries) or Wotherspoon pubs.

No doubt the Dawkins types will cheer the news, but I can't help but feel a little sad at Scottish presbyterianism driving another nail in their own coffins with yet another schism. I'd sooner have them around instead of the sinister happy clappy loony cults doing the rounds like escapees from old episodes of Home & Away.