The Official Nonsense Thread

[Ollie]

Nice of you to drop by, [removed].

And OMG THE FIRST EPISODE OF JONAH FROM TONGA IS FANTASTIC! Much better than Ja'mie the private school girl, which was disappointing compared to Chris Liley's older masterpieces in my opinion. I really hope he does a series on Mr. G next.
http://iview.abc.net.au/programs/jonah-f...ga#playing

Edit: Just realized the rest of the series is out, slowly watching through them. xD

[Caspin]

Private school girl, eh? Sounds like a somewhat questionable programme, but maybe it's all perfectly innocent and my mind is all on its lonesome in the gutter. And 'Jonah from Tonga'? You have some mad TV over there, Ollie! Well... enjoy!

The new TV recorder box thingy has arrived. I can choose TV shows from a menu on my iPad and then the internet tells the box to record them. I could be in another country but still tape a film at home. It's blowing my mind. I am so in-tune with modern technology it's unreal! I feel so modern. So very modern. If only there was something on worth taping. Oh well.

There is a squirrel lying in the sun on top of the fence. Trouble is, the fence has a row of spikes on the top to discourage burglars from climbing it, so that poor squirrel must feel like it is upon a bed of nails!

[Minty]

It is the nation that brought us Bananas In Pyjamas & Round The Twist, but Ja'mie the private school girl was VERY disturbing. For the sake of one of us here being into it & going on Ollie's recommendation, I tried to watch two different episodes but could get no further than ten minutes in before bailing with the sort of queezy "bring me eye bleach" feeling I can only ever remember getting from the horse head scene in "The Tin Drum".

This middle aged guy pretending to be another schoolkid, in another school full of real kids, & ----- do I REALLY need to spell this out how downright skin crawling it is? It's not like they couldn't have got an actor nearer the kids own ages to do it otherwise Home & Away & Neighbours would have been scunnered for half their casts since they first went on air. Doing it once is "um,,,,," enough, but twice?

Maybe I'm getting old or prudish or something, but nothing's gonna convince me otherwise that some middle aged Bruce pretending to be a schoolkid & shouting smutty suggestions at real kids under the pretext of it being "comedy" is freaking dodgier than hiring Max Clifford as a child minder (he says being topical - made my week that did seeing that evil little man get his. I'll never forgive him for what he did to Gerry Hayes & tried to do to Gyles Brandreth. Evil, evil, EVIL excuse for a human being).

Don't worry about the squirrels - they're masters of balance. There's one using our trees that runs down a particular branch causing it to dip, & waits patiently for it to ping back upwards so it can leap onto the branch of the tree across.

The temptation to build one of these in the garden!





Glad to see Bristol Rovers getting relegated after their fans disgusting behaviour at Wycombe last week. The pitch invasion was a dirty trick to intimidate the Wanderers & officials as well as wind down the clock when it was to their advantage. If Wycombe had gone down they'd have had every right to protest last week's events, in the end a rough justice was served. I wonder if JK Rowling will be asked to put her money where her mouth is for the club she's meant to support, especially now it means their move to a new ground will have to be postponed.

Lucky Dundee won today. If they'd only drawn & thus Hamilton were promoted instead thanks to that 10-2 win over Morton (yes, ten-two!), I think UEFA would have got involved over what looked very suspicious, especially when one of the Hamilton goals was an own goal right at the end which meant they'd equalled Dundee on goal difference but would be above them on total goals scored for the season. There's miracles & then there's something highly fishy.

[Caspin]

Ah yes, I remember now that you boys had discussed the private schoolgirl programme before and that Mr Green (btw, did you consider my proposal to change your name colour yet?) found it distasteful. Also, what's with the apostrophe? Shouldn't it just be "Jamie"?

You talking about feeling old again Minty? Hey, I'm the one with the sciatica here! Here's a sight to cheer you up.




Would you look at the shine on that!

10-2? 10-2?! That must have been a great match to watch! As long as you're supporting the team with the 10.

Going to make a truly massive chilli con carne today. Given that it was curry night yesterday, I think I may pay some digestive penalties later on, but hell it'll be worth it. I'm made of strong stuff you know.

Time to put that shiny pot into service. Let's go, shiny pot!

[Minty]

Sciatica, oh poor you!

Looks like the cast of GOT called it right telling HBO not to recast Wilko Johnson's role. He got so fed up waiting for that terminal cancer to kill him (especially having done TWO farewell tours it was getting a bit embarrassing) he let himself be used as a guinea pig for some "kill or cure" new operation technique last week, & the prognosis is once he's recovered from the op, that's it. That should put him back ready for filming the back end of season 5 or season 6, which is when Ilyn Payne is needed again neatly enough.

It seems to be a good week for people putting one over cancer - Stephen Sutton vowed to raise £1 million before he croaked at only 19 yrs. Not only did he hit the £3 million target this week, but by sheer fluke violently coughed up one of the inoperable tumours in his lung - significantly bettering his prospects in the process. Kind of ironic that he's been asking everyone to cough up to beat cancer only to do it literally.

Right is my Minty looking minty enough for you all now?

[Caspin]

Wilco Johnson has pancreatic cancer, doesn't he? An absolute bugger to treat, so might as well dive in and agree to any surgery on offer. Fingers crossed they got it all. If they have then that would be very good luck.

That young lad's amazing with his fundraising.

Yeah, your Minty's looking mintier, although I'd prefer it a shade darker I think. But I will do my best not to bug you further on the matter. Ta!

Here is a bunch of cheerful elephants. I like the one that just dances along, shaking its backside.





I am sleepy now. Night night peops.

[Minty]

Yeah jumbo baby, you work it!

Darkened the green a bit more. Think that's it now as it matches the top bar.

A bit pissed today. Not only did I ping a muscle in my back without warning or reason, but I got a phone call that wasn't the best. A few days back I went for an interview, where they said they didn't want me for the job I'd gone for but I'd be on first dabs for another. All I needed to do was speak to a certain agency that handled this particular part of the business, tell them Euan had said to keep my details for it next time it came up, & that would be that.

I should have known it was going to be too good to be true. The agency in question paid zero attention to what I was telling them & instead immediately tried to "sell" me into taking a completely different minimum wage job (of no small notoriety up here) they were getting megabucks for placements for as no one lasts there longer than a month. Eventually I ended up having to be blunt with the muppet in question & remind them I was contacting them at the request of one of their clients to perform a set task, nothing more. Cue petted lip & a hint of "I won't pass your details on coz you're a big jobby not helping me meet my monthly target".

I'm sick to death of these sharks. None of them are manned with people with the slightest clue about the employment market, only sales agents who will glance at your CV, spot the first key word, & instantly try to "sell" you into taking whatever pap they can't get anyone else to take (which always earns them the biggest commission as high staff turnover jobs are always the most desperate employers), no matter how unsuited you may be.

One of my neighbours has now experienced the delights first hand of the recruitment agency market as one company in particular kept pestering him to take care home jobs with a particular disreputable local "graveyard checkout till" hospice for the elderly. His previous job until redundancy was in freight haulage. You can see the connection, can't you?????

[Caspin]

Your Minty is now mint perfection! It matches your signature better now, as well as the general colour scheme of SF.

We are a right pair at the moment aren't we, with our dodgy backs! Hot baths all round, with rubber ducks, bubbles and a medicinal dram or two.

These 'recruitment' agencies are absolutely abysmal. Can you ring up the company that interviewed you and ask them to help, since their agent isn't cooperating? Don't give up, Minty. They're not going to stick you on this awful scheme of enforced volunteering are they? If it comes to that, you might be better off signing up with a temping agency, then at least you could work in a comfortable office for some actual money, instead of being forcibly sent anywhere they like to be made to do anything they want in exchange for earning nothing (which I think counts as slave labour, does it not).

Hope you feel better soon, anyway.

I am feeling quite relieved that the second tube strike was cancelled. I was up early enough this morning making cakes for work, to be up even earlier would possibly have killed me! Tonight I'm off to the Globe to watch Titus Andronicus. Should be delightfully grim.

[Caspin]

Crumbs, well that was one of the most exciting performances I have ever seen. I wish I could scoop you all up and take you to see it. Glad I wasn't standing in the pit, as the folk near to the stage soon found the play to contain rather more audience participation than I would have liked. There was a school group down there who didn't seem to have read up on the play before attending - they were somewhat shocked by the number of grisly deaths played out right in front of them (and occasionally among them).

In any case, I was having enough of an exciting time myself, as I managed to pass out shortly before the interval and had to be carried away by theatre staff. I haven't fainted for more than ten years. Several people collapsed during the performance, including one American guy who blacked out, hitting his head on the way down to the floor and was taken away with a bleeding head injury. I am not entirely sure what happened but it was insanely hot (they had put a sort of partial canvas roof on the Globe), they were burning loads of incense, there was copious fake blood all over the place and there was a strong smell of red wine. A heady mix. I am all right, though, and was able to continue to watch the rest of the play. I'd have been gutted to miss it.

This made me laugh. Obviously the political situation between Ukraine and Russia is no laughing matter. No, what tickled me was the description of the Ukraine's Eurovision Song Contest entry being "enhanced by a dancer running in a giant hamster wheel".

Enhanced?!

[Minty]

You fainted? Glad to hear you're alright, but I think the next time I visited the Globe I'd be taking a carbon monoxide detector with me as well in case their ventilation & heating are dodgy.

Hamster wheel? It'll take more than gimmicks to get me watching Eurovision ever again. Amazed Russia were allowed through considering current events.

The recruitment agencies & temping agencies are one & the same up here, part of the problem. If you are offered a job by one of them, you can never tell if they are telling you the truth that you're only on temporary contract (& temp wages) for the first 12 weeks (which is the law) or whether the contract is really for a couple of weeks at best & the first you'll know it's finished is when you go home that night to find a message on the answering machine from the agency telling you that's it.

I got my fingers very badly burned in the distant past. After several temp contracts under my belt every regular employer treats me like I had measles because all they saw was never staying anywhere for long & the agencies who promised to vouch for me to other employers never did because they didn't want to lose "a good temp". I discovered the hard way I was better off staying unemployed & continuing to apply for permanent part-time or full time than temp ever again, because it never led to permanent. Years later I ended up back at a firm I'd once temped for, this time full time, & was shocked at the way the regular staff regarded the seasonal temps as almost sub-human (ok, one of them did qualify as that considering the number of Friday mornings he came in still high on drugs from the night before). An eye opener to be sure.

The big problem is firms no longer handling their own personel. Many now hive off their "human resources" to these employment agencies to cut costs (& to use them as a deniable asset, if they hire some psycho who offends a customer they can blame the agency) or use them as an "outsourcer". The agencies have no interest in the long term welfare of the company as they're being hired to reduce costs (ie. the wage bill), & the company has none in the agency or who they're hiring - it's "their" problem.

The result is a drive down not only in wages but in staff quality & motivation - being threatened with the sack if you don't hit targets has a hollow ring when everyone knows you're going to be sacked before reaching your 12th week of employment & full working rights anyway, you may as well coast it. Those at the bottom have learned from those at the top not to bother trying when you've nothing to gain doing so.

A company I used to work with that prided itself on staff quality is already on its third recruitment drive of the year in the local papers for 20 new employees having "let go" 20 during March-May. It was only 5 years ago hiring 10 new staff members there in a year was regarded as a turbulent year.

I wouldn't mind doing local voluntary work to look better with employers (anyway, considering the number of local council employees now on zero-hours contracts, in some cases there's little difference!), but after the Pound store affair with that girl in Brummieville last year you have to be careful what you take up & for how long to avoid getting "sanctions".

Yesterday I visited the problem agency & was interviewed at length by a Cersei Lannister lookalike (you can guess how uncomfortable this made me feel!). To be fair she was OK & very honest how bad the market is & all the agencies undercutting one another to ridiculous levels (resulting in wages being less & less) isn't helping anyone. She said "as long as companies aren't financially penalised by the government or consumers for exploiting workforces, nothing will change. You may as well temp & hope someone in the company you're temping with drops out or drops dead or whatever." That was cheery!

(Ollie, I promise this is the last post about job hunting before you end up topping yourself from reading it!)