The Official Nonsense Thread

[Minty]

(22-01-2015 03:32 PM)Paul Wrote:  I heard about her releasing it because it was getting leaked but I have not heard it yet. I'm not a big fan though. I listened to her last album and it just seemed to go all over the place and I didn't like it.

See that review you made about Bjork's last album? It applies to the new one as well (someone uploaded the lot onto YouTube). How the devil is it getting rave reviews? Does she have incriminating pictures of all the music journalists doing things to sheep?

(24-01-2015 03:26 PM)Caspin Wrote:  I wonder how big Minty's hair is going to get before he cuts it? Shall we just buy him a hat!

Yesterday against all my better judgement (I wanted to save time & it was raining), I went back to that barber's the Iranian guy used to own (the one which had the Pole with the bicycle certificate for a hairdressing qualification). There was this guy that the two people in front of me allowed me to jump the queue to get - this alone ought to have been warning, that & his chair being at the back of the shop.

FIFTY MINUTES he took. How can it take 50 minutes to do short back & sides & tidy the top? I could have shaved a yak in that time, in fact I could have given a yak dreadlocks. It was pretty clear that once again this shower were employing unqualified hairdressers, something I didn't know was perfectly legit.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-30703465

What he achieved can be best described as resembling a car park ramp. I had to tell him to cut the top again as he'd barely touched the front, his reaction to this was wet it and wax it down, at which point I lost it as he was now taking the rip - went home & out with the clippers to repair the damage & make me look less like I was auditioning for the Communards comeback tour. I would have done better going to the zoo & getting some llama to chew it (this happened to me once as a child, it was bloody painful), the end result would have looked better and all.



Oh, & Hearts lost their unbeaten record.



At least the Chelsea mauling by Bradford City cheered me up, that last goal was brilliant





Back to work in a few hours. I'm so happy I could throw up.

The Changling looked proper creepy!

[Caspin]

Yes, sorry about the Hearts result, but ahahahaHAHA Chelsea!

Glad to hear that you have resolved your massive barnet. From the description of the barbershop, it sounds as though you were lucky to escape with your ears still attached. They are still attached, right?

I have made a motherlode of porridge for dinner, all topped off with nice apple chunks, sultanas and honey. Followed by a dram or two. Perfect for Burns Night supper. Going to catch up with some telly tonight. Got Wolf Hall taped, ready to watch by candlelight, as it is apparently filmed quite dark. Also, from BBC4, a programme called Sound Of Song, about the history of recording songs. It's fun to hear music going back through the ages, but the really fascinating stuff is about the technology for recording, from scratches on wax cylinders through magnetic tapes etc. Good stuff.

Have a good week ahead, everyone.

[Wandarine]

Woooh I'm just downloading my first sims cc ever, so excited woooh ^.^

[Wandarine]

I take a cupcake
Also, i'd so play that game with you. I can't wait for season 5!

[Caspin]

Splendid, Wanda, cakes and games it is!

Last night we finally got some snow. Ten flakes at least! For a few minutes the cars outside turned white. Then it was gone. It is nicely cold, though. I have been routinely needing my hat whenever venturing outside. Blimey I miss proper winters.

Tonight's theatre night for me. This week it is a version of "The Merchant of Venice" set in Las Vegas. I think that could work very well. We shall see.

[Minty]

The Merchant of Venice in Las Vegas? It would make more sense if it was set in New York since there's Jews there. Or New Jersey. Doing it in New Jersey would be hilarious - all that bad hair gel & people with crispy tans.

The Game of Thrones board game has been out for a while - it resembles the old board game Diplomacy except with more options (which may have been ripped off from the various variants for dear old Dippy). The big difference I think is the addition of the card decks to account for the Wildings actions, in that respect it's like Civilization with the barbarians. Looks like it would make for a cracking computer strategy game, if they could get the AI right.

I always used to go for the stations in Monopoly - it's reckoned over a long game they recoup their buying costs the best (something about the odds on dice rolls).

Years ago I took part in a Cluedo championship and a Monopoly championship held in a bank. Never again. You meet some REALLY weird people at these things, American Horror Story type weird.

This made me smile this morning:





"Alan! Alan! Alan! Alan!"

[Caspin]

I loved the play. It was really funny and now I have Elvis songs stuck in my head, which is a somewhat unusual outcome. I'm not sure some of the audience had any idea that they hadn't come to see a traditional version of the play, with some people as they were leaving muttering about it being "tasteless" and others saying that the American accents were "grating". The whole thing was an incredible spectacle and fantastically brash. It gave me a break from always watching actors in doublets anyhow.

A Monopoly championship? Crikey. Did you win?! Perhaps the people there that you thought were weird were thinking the same about you! Did you have to play for hours and hours and hours and hours? It can take an awfully long time to play Monopoly unless you change the rules. I remember one Christmas we all tried to play it according to the proper rules until several people fell asleep and others lost the will to live, so we switched back to family rules, which includes an agreed end time. Also - what did you play with? I imagine you were the ship.

[Caspin]

We actually got some snow overnight. A good few millimeters of it!




Those are my shoe prints.

I could tell it had snowed as soon as I woke up because the window was open and it was suspiciously quiet.

[Minty]

(31-01-2015 01:48 PM)Caspin Wrote:  A Monopoly championship? Crikey. Did you win?! Perhaps the people there that you thought were weird were thinking the same about you! Did you have to play for hours and hours and hours and hours? It can take an awfully long time to play Monopoly unless you change the rules. I remember one Christmas we all tried to play it according to the proper rules until several people fell asleep and others lost the will to live, so we switched back to family rules, which includes an agreed end time. Also - what did you play with? I imagine you were the ship.

I'm always the iron.

The Monopoly championship was timed games with knock out or whoever had the most money and properties by the end. Under the "proper" rules it's pretty quick as the properties are all bought up shortly by auction. But it's crap without the Free Parking kitty.

I got to the final stage, & some girl from one of the local private schools would have won it, as she was the only one with a set. But one of those at our table was a Clydesdale bank employee (where it was being held) & the fat old middle aged bint threw a temper tantrum at the young one for being "selfish" in refusing to sell her spare properties so the others (including myself) could get sets. I pointed out to her this was no time to be noble as she stood to win an all expenses paid trip to London in a top hotel for the finals, but under pressure from the adjudicators (Hasbro bimbos & Clydesdale Bank staff) anxious to keep the bank sweet, she caved in, the fat bint got the orange set and needless to say won on the final money tally after two others landed on her - including the girl.

Worse, I had to spend both the semis and the final seated next to the smelliest soap dodger in the world, who strangely enough also worked in a bank.

Six months later I bumped into the girl at Glasgow railway station when I was waiting for a train (or rather she recognised me), & she told me her school wasn't happy she'd thrown it away as they wanted the free publicity (private schools up here are OBSESSED with PR opportunities).

I noticed TMN mentioning that Voltaire bloke again. Time for a confession. Remember when I was moaning about my home times back in November? Well on the Monday, it was my own fault I was home late. On my way into work, I had to go into town early & I saw a poster saying that this Voltaire was playing at the Classic Grand that night. After all the crap they've been saying about him, I couldn't resist seeing the guy in question to see if he was as good as claimed.

Actually, that's also a lie. He'd appeared over the weekend in an advert for Laphroaig whisky up here (I've never saw them advertise before) & instantly I thought anyone that loves Laphroaig's alright by me - it was sheer chance two days later I discovered he was in town!





It was also a chance to have a sneak look inside the notorious Classic Grand (for some reason a famous listed building), which for decades was Glasgow's only "dirty raincoat" cinema before it became a marginally more respectible rock club. When coming out of Woolworth's to get a bus home from the Jamaica Street, you would see all manner of seedy men approach the entrance, look both ways to make sure no one they knew saw them enter before running inside to see such highbrow Oscar nominees as "Confessions Of A Taxi Driver" & other such rubbish.

Going to the concert straight from work, I felt a bit weird in my respectable shirt & tie with all the Goth hordes & geeks (this guy has a LOT of geek fans), but I was put at ease by the man himself seconds after stepping through the door: he appears to do a lot of time before gigs going through as many of his audience as possible, talking with them, finding out what got them into his music & so on.

When he came to me that was awkward. Imagine for yourself the look on his face when I told him that I'd heard of him through the Mare's Nest.

"The Mare's Nest? Is that a club or a band?"
"No, it's a blog."
"Oh, is it a goth blog?"
"No, it's a Sims 3 blog?"
"A Sims 3 blog?" [Voltaire now looking confused]
"Yeah, the computer game. Some girl called Cloverstardropper or Switch or whatever her name is was a big fan of yours, & I think she got them into your stuff & they made Voltaire clothes for Sims players' Sims characters to wear"
[Voltaire now looking completely confused]
"Clover - what? Ur, I think I heard that name somewhere before? You say she's a switch?"
"No that's one of her other nicknames."

Voltaire by this stage was now looking utterly confused, so I quickly changed the subject to the Star Wars songs I'd heard him do, as an old friend of mine used to be the queen bee of the Star Wars fandom up in these parts years ago before she got married, & promised I'd buy a copy of his CD parodying it to pass onto her (which I did of course as a man of my word).

The night was hilarious, as between songs (it was an acoustic night it seemed with no band, or maybe that's how he usually plays?) he told tales of his many misadventures including a brilliant one about raiding Mexican graveyards with his son after the Day of the Dead for bottles of Cuban Rum which cannot be imported into the US, & the day he crashed the entire email system of the uni he works for (he's a professor!) when he asked someone to tell him what this Doctor Who TV show was about & it went viral.

My favourite song of the night was the "We Just Make Some S**t Up" song about every Star Trek episode where no matter what peril they're in, no matter how hopeless their situation, somehow 10 minutes before the end they ALWAYS pull some rabbit out of the hat & win.

This one was good as well - the motherf**kers he was telling to clap at the two minute mark were some old granny and I. We were the only two who chickened out of going on stage for the finale.





I hope he comes to Glasgow again, as it was excellent fun. It's a shame he's not got a bigger audience, he's got the talent certainly to gain one, but maybe he's happy this way.

Anyway, suppose I ought to say thank you TMN & Cloverstarwotsit for making what would have been an unbearable past November week that bit more bearable.

[Caspin]

Ha!

Mr Voltaire (Señor Voltaire?) looks like good fun and clearly puts on a great show - you and granny should have got up there lol! TMN seem nothing short of obsessed with the guy but now I can see why. He is not a man without attractions. Thanks for sharing - virtual night out with Minty!

Alas, I have nothing exciting to report. There was some hail while I was on the way home (I walked part of the way due to the bus strike) but the hailstones were so small I did actually laugh out loud.

Oh and I just fixed the broken knob on the study radiator by swearing at it and twiddling it like a lunatic until it gave in to my charms, so the good news is that I'm not going to freeze to death, nor be injured by an exploding radiator. Bonus, eh!