Rolling The Dice

[Caspin]

Why won't he die?

Victoria: He is starting to get suspicious, Mum.
Vanessa: Do you think so? Then we had better act more quickly.
Victoria: Don't worry, I am reading a lot of murder mysteries for new ideas.
Vanessa: OK, but we must make sure it looks like an accident.....




Styles was starting to wonder exactly why there was so much cake in the house. It was all they ever seemed to eat. They wouldn't..... be trying to..... poison me, would they? Surely not. Death by chocolate?




He crept down the stairs to see if he could sneak something to eat out of the garden.

Vanessa: Darling, great news - a new cake for breakfast! Take a seat, I'm just icing it now!

What?! More cake. This is just too suspicious now.




But wait.... it was just a birthday cake to celebrate the small, obnoxious, smelly baby Veronica becoming a small, obnoxious, even smellier toddler. Look at her! Crawling across the floor as though she's going to kill, kill, kill!




Styles cautiously ate the latest cake, feeling a strong sense that we was now surrounded by murderous Valentine females, all awaiting his demise.




Styles ambled outside to escape the atmosphere of imminent death and the stench of Veronica's grubby socks. A nice swing in the fresh air!

Vanessa: I'll push you, darling!
Styles: No, that's all right, don't worry dear!
Vanessa: No really - I'll give you a great big shove!




Styles: Arrrrrrgh! Too fast! Too hiiiiiiiigh!
Vanessa hesitated, but then a police car rolled by and the neighbour, Ollie, walking his pug and raising his hand in greeting came into view. Too many bloody witnesses.




I give up, thought Vanessa. Over to you, Vicky, with your murder mystery books full of deathly ideas.

Right! Over to me! Victoria spent several days reading murder mysteries while at her part-time job at the bookstore. Everyone just shops online these days so she had plenty of time and opportunity for swatting up on her gruesome topic.

"TRAPS!" I shall set traps all over the house and father will surely be caught by one. Aha!










Victoria: Mum, avoid the upstairs bathroom and the study. I have set a series of traps!
Vanessa: Deadly traps?!
Victoria: Oh.
Vanessa: What is it?!
Victoria: I forgot about the deadly party.
Vanessa: Damn. Oh well - perhaps he will simply die of fright!










But no. Styles is made of tougher stuff than we had anticipated. Not even bright yellow hair or the image of a yeti on the computer could shock him into Grim's arms.







Back to the drawing board, ladies.