The Official Nonsense Thread

[beaglelover2008]

(14-08-2012 09:42 AM)Minty Wrote:  Another of life's little mysteries solved. Why is it a large bucket of water filled to the near brim the previous evening is regularly a third empty when you go out to use it the next morning? Answer - when the local cat and fox population think it has been put there to water them rather than the plants (drinking from it).

A young fox was at the bucket first thing morning when I opened the blinds, & he must have been lapping away for a good five minutes before he was finished. Shortly afterwards, the big tom from up the road was helping himself. I suppose if you're wandering around all day in a big heavy fur coat, you'll be wanting to get in some liquid before it gets too hot to move.

Today's great fashion tip. It seems a suit of armour is the in trend amongst all today's hipsters.


Bet Gok Wan's feeling pretty stupid right now for not seeing this trend hitting the streets.

Odd. I would have said evaporation... But what do I know, eh?

Knights? Armour? British spelling?

[Ollie]

I thought Milo and Otis was a happy film with cute little animals going through happy adventures, but then I heard a rumour that 20 or so cats were killed during the filming...

[bobert26]

I heard that too! I think I read it on Cracked.

[Minty]

Someone mention "Milo & Otis"? Dudley Moore's finest hour since "10" Is this the "20 kittens killed in filming" story doing the rounds again? This urban legend is a textbook example of "special interest groups" putting their own self interest ahead of their ideals.

The major torch bearer of the legend was the Queensland Animal Liberation peddling "slant eyed little yella monkeys torturing cute kittens and pups" to the worst of Australian tabloids back in the 1990s whose readers of course lapped it up. The fact the "film" was really cobbled from four years worth of footage shot around the famous Mutsugoru Animal Kingdom (it contains the world's biggest cat refuge where stray cats from all over Japan are sent to be terminally ruined!) and the "story" created around the footage was kept rather quiet by its detractors.

Ever since that time the story has done the rounds, the main plank of "proof" usually being that the film does not contain the phrase "No animals were harmed in the making of this movie" in the end credits. That however is only half the story.

The American Humane Society (the equivalent to Britain's Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) approved of the film publicly when first released in 1989. But in 2000 they copyrighted use of the phrases "No Animal Was Harmed" and "No Animals Were Harmed" in movies or TV shows as a way of making lots of money, as anyone making a film or TV show with animals in it now would have to pay them royalties if they wanted to tag those phrases at the end of their production credits. If they didn't pay up of course, they risked having the animal rights extremists making claims about animal cruelty they couldn't prove but didn't need to: all they had to do was say "so why doesn't the movie say "No animals were harmed"?".

They could hardly refute it with "because we object to paying a fee to the AHS for four words": you don't slag off cuddly animal rescue charities if you want to keep the public sweet. Nor could they use a different phrase that got round the copyright, as that would leave them open to animal rights groups accusing "so why is this movie not approved by the American Humane Society?" (the same animal rights groups accusing the AHS of "being in the back pocket of businesses cruel to animals" one breath later).

Media producers see what the AHS does as little more than a shakedown (to use animals in a film you have to use an industry licenced trainer anyway). Most grumble & pay up, but some of those who paid fees to the AHS to have their "advisors" on set pre-2000 object to being effectively asked to pay up twice, & these are the films that always come up in the "were cruel to animals" stories. Some of the film does look slightly WTF, but most of the stories surrounding Milo & Otis are outrageous fibs. My favourite was one cat being bitten by a "poisonous snake", the snake in question being clearly a grass snake that was being tormented by several cats at the time.

[Caspin]

It's getting colder. The crazy summer featuring all possible weathers is finally drawing to a close. I have bought myself a series of cosy woollen hats with bright stripes in preparation

*Goes to prepare hot chocolate for all*

[bobert26]

It's just getting warm here.

[Caspin]

Ah! In that case I'll make some lemonade for you, and Ollie too, I would think.

[Minty]

Spends all week studying for an exam, only for the fannyspangles to phone me as I'm going out of the door to say their network is bust so it's cancelled until they can fix it.

Much growling at them later, have got booked in (amid much huffing & puffing from them) to get it done this Tuesday coming instead.

[Caspin]

That's networks for you! Good luck for Tuesday, though.

Today I learned that 'puce' is a sort of pinky-brown colour. I always imagined it was a kind of murky green. Just goes to show you do learn new something every day. But I wonder what important fact this new knowledge has pushed out of my brain?

[Minty]

I go to sit the exam at 2.30, only for the invigilator to fail to appear. "He's been a bit delayed, he'll be 10 minutes."

48 minutes later, invigilator turns up. Another half hour later, he manages to get the computer to log into the test network. By this time, any pre-exam nerves have long been replaced by "let's get it over with".

3 sample test questions, followed by 100 questions & a lost will to live later, the computer screen reads:-
Congratulations, you have passed this test. You scored a big f**k off sized 95%.

Mr Invigilator says, "Oh well done!"...

...wait for it...

"...now you're ready to sit the official exam!"

WHAT THE ****?!?!?!?!?!

One even more lost will to live later, finally staggered out with an official, absolute last word on the matter, 94%, a pass, they can't take it away from me.

***Runs off cackling, wearily***