The Official Nonsense Thread

[Minty]

So the plan was a quiet weekend sweeping up the back of leaves, getting up the heavy winter curtains, & then relaxing. Then came the phonecall, "Hi, we're on our way up, we've booked a table for us all" from my lovely relatives.

This time I put my foot down. "No, I have plans for the day". Nothing technically I couldn't have dropped, but I object to people thinking they can simply decide to have a road trip & everyone else that comes within radius during the proceedings is a fair target to provide them with entertainment or rather an audience listening to them waffling on.

After much huffling & puffing, they gave up. Five minutes later, another one phoned, same story. "Peter said you said you're not available [great grasp of English, eh?]. But you have to be."

Red rag to bull.

"Um, no I bloody well don't have to be! What do you think this is? Just because you're self-employed & can do what you please doesn't mean the rest of us do. I have plans for today & if none of you can be bothered to give me appropriate notice you can go do one!"

Ten minutes later, another one. "Um, we really need you to be there."

"No."

"It's for Aunty Mary [she doesn't have a canary before you ask]. It's her 75th next week & we're having a surprise party for her tonight at 6pm [time at this point being 1pm!]. You know she's not been keeping well this year, & it might be the last chance she ever has seeing us all together [oh, LOW blow!]"

Dashes out, gets present, returns, wraps it & finds myself something semi-presentable to wear before bombing it to the destination seconds before the unsuspecting Auntie Mary arrived for what she thought was a quiet meal & almost had a heart attack. That would have been ironic had she promptly keeled over, although knowing my relatives they'd have probably continued the party regardless & used her dentures as a bottle opener.

During the do I discovered once they were drunk enough when this masterclass of forward strategic planning had been organised.

The previous night, over the internet, hijacking the quiet dinner that Aunty Mary had said she was having at that particular hotel.

Am now seriously considering changing my telephone number, or making it an 0870 number. Or finding out if the Dark Brotherhood has a chapter in the UK.