The Official Nonsense Thread

[Minty]

Caspin's going to Spain to find somewhere cooler than the UK right now!

A combination of the slugs & the ground going brick hard no matter how much I watered it called for drastic measures yesterday & today, I got the hoe out & turned over every bit of soil I could, which had the bonus of uncovering some of the slugs hiding underground from the sun or heading for plant roots. All of them are now sitting in the brown bin (garden waste), awaiting their future appointment in the Bad Fire come collection day

Unfortunately I paid no attention to the sun, & exposure to it for most of the week painting or gardening finally resulted in me paying the price: jumping in the shower after finishing off this morning, I think most of the town heard my scream of pain when the water hit the backs of my legs and front of my arms.

It was only at this point I realised they weren't achy because they like every other part of me were too hot from the weather. They were achy because they were burnt red raw. Yes I had not thought to put any cream on. Yes I am an idiot.

I went down the road to get something to repair the damage at the chemists. They'd been doing nothing all week but dole out after-sun remedies. A couple of neds (in for their methodone doses probably) copped the back of my legs & questioned artlessly to the entire chemists (as neds are wont to do) what the hell I'd been doing to get them so badly burned.

"Spending hours outside hoeing," I remarked tersely. Completely misunderstanding what I meant, both of them broke into grins & one said "Quality big man, nice one!" The staff in the chemists were almost in hysterics.

Slowly, this hot weather is starting to lose the novelty factor & become a nuisance - & if that fox craps in the middle of the front lawn for the third night in a row, tomorrow night I'm going to wait up for it, trap it, & rub it's ****ing nose in it.

Oh, & tomorrow's the Orange Order big marches for the 12th July, so no peace locally. Several thousand piggy-eyed bigots annual celebration of being unable to use a calendar properly for the last 300 years.

Has anyone there played Bioshock Infinite? Appears to be getting a lot of praise.