The Official Nonsense Thread

[Ollie]

Spain? What an interesting destination, I've been thinking about Spain on and off recently for no reason.

And Minty, what an odd story... That's all I have to say.

[Minty]

Caspin's going to Spain to find somewhere cooler than the UK right now!

A combination of the slugs & the ground going brick hard no matter how much I watered it called for drastic measures yesterday & today, I got the hoe out & turned over every bit of soil I could, which had the bonus of uncovering some of the slugs hiding underground from the sun or heading for plant roots. All of them are now sitting in the brown bin (garden waste), awaiting their future appointment in the Bad Fire come collection day

Unfortunately I paid no attention to the sun, & exposure to it for most of the week painting or gardening finally resulted in me paying the price: jumping in the shower after finishing off this morning, I think most of the town heard my scream of pain when the water hit the backs of my legs and front of my arms.

It was only at this point I realised they weren't achy because they like every other part of me were too hot from the weather. They were achy because they were burnt red raw. Yes I had not thought to put any cream on. Yes I am an idiot.

I went down the road to get something to repair the damage at the chemists. They'd been doing nothing all week but dole out after-sun remedies. A couple of neds (in for their methodone doses probably) copped the back of my legs & questioned artlessly to the entire chemists (as neds are wont to do) what the hell I'd been doing to get them so badly burned.

"Spending hours outside hoeing," I remarked tersely. Completely misunderstanding what I meant, both of them broke into grins & one said "Quality big man, nice one!" The staff in the chemists were almost in hysterics.

Slowly, this hot weather is starting to lose the novelty factor & become a nuisance - & if that fox craps in the middle of the front lawn for the third night in a row, tomorrow night I'm going to wait up for it, trap it, & rub it's ****ing nose in it.

Oh, & tomorrow's the Orange Order big marches for the 12th July, so no peace locally. Several thousand piggy-eyed bigots annual celebration of being unable to use a calendar properly for the last 300 years.

Has anyone there played Bioshock Infinite? Appears to be getting a lot of praise.

[Caspin]

Poor pink Minty. Sun burn is no fun at all. I am roasting hot here in Spain but at least it's dry instead of humid. My lungs are appreciating that fact. Also I'm staying up on a mountain and there is a nice breeze a lot of the time.

[Minty]

Hi Caspin! The weather is still very hot over here. Apparantly down at Gretna there was some sort of football festival on & they did a roaring trade - and Danny Wilson has been made the new Hearts captain!

The Star Wars trilogy is being reshown over here on terrestrial TV right now. It's strange seeing it so many years after first seeing it & realising how poor the light sabre fight scenes really were in comparison to Ollie Reed & Christopher Lee flashing swords in The Four Musketeers on earlier. Proof that all the special effects in the world can't stop a movie from showing its age without the basics in place.

I have now watched An American Tail for the first time. That was truly dreadful, almost a propaganda piece for the United States for tinies & showed that Don Bluth was a bit of a pigmy without Disney behind him - very much the case of the two parts not equalling the whole.

It's also turns out that Robert Galbraith's "The Cuckoo Calling" released back in April was really written by J K Rowling. I always wondered what had happened to that crime novel she said she was going to write. That it sold only 1500 copies until today despite getting good reviews lets you know how much hype plays a part in any book's success nowadays.

By the way, I noticed that Ahmed has logged in here, but not saw fit to either let us know how things are, nor reply to my e-mail to him.
Same goes for Steven - and this is why people wonder why this place gets quiet?

[Caspin]

Whereas you can't get rid of me, not even by sending me to some remote spot without wifi! Actually I did have a drink in an internet café today, run by a very helpful Scottish girl as it happens, but by the time everyone had finished studying maps and doing their online shopping (!) there was no time for me to use the web! I'm using the 3G on my phone but I don't want a massive bill so won't do it every day. Anyway I hope things are all right for Ahmed and everyone else, even if they don't tell us so. I am managing to stay out of the sun so Minty will remain more burned than me, even though I'm the one on a sunny holiday. Doesn't seem right does it.

[Minty]

Today's the first day in ages I wasn't wearing shorts with the weather being a bit cooler, & my jeans scraped my legs to bits. Safe to say I overdid it in the sun & am now paying the price.

That's bizarre that more of Usain Bolt's competitors have all tested positive for drugs while he remains clean. Not a very good advert for taking steroids to enhance performance: "here, inject this & you'll STILL get creamed on the track by the Boltmeister!"

The Trayvon Martin business in the US is pretty screwed up. Maybe I'm getting this one all wrong, but guy leaps out of his car & shoots some unarmed kid dead for the crime in his eyes of being black in his neighboorhood during the hours of darkness, seems to me the correct thing to do is lock up the closet KKK case that did it & lose the key. But he didn't even get convicted for manslaughter! Um, hello USA, WTF?!?!?!

That said, from what I've read, it looks like the prosecution lawyers employed were the biggest dunderheads in the whole state of Florida & presented a case that only a jury that had been sniffing paint would have accepted. Makes you wonder if they blew it on purpose.

[Ollie]

I listened to a police call in which you could over-hear Trayvons screams for help right before a gunshot. It's pretty chilling and sad but still there might be more to the story than we know.

[Minty]

The TV show Young Turks in the US showed pictures of him lying dead & he looked like a kid in his mid teens.

Now there's a photo meme called Trayvoning (people pretending to be dead with a bag of Skittles & a can of iced tea) that's started.

http://gossiponthis.com/2013/07/16/these...t-its-not/

Anyone else still remember the day when people trying to make sick jokes at least tried to be inventive, instead of thinking that merely being "in bad taste" was an adequate substitute for actually being funny? 4chan has a lot to answer for.

[Caspin]

Caught some news last night and saw that the heatwave back home is continuing so maybe it's not so bad being hot here instead. Wish the mosquito population would find someone else to nibble though.

[Minty]

Yeah, it's very hot over here. That's me back indoors just now after watering the garden. I had to water it all at lunchtime as well to give it a fighting chance & the ground was dry as brick, although I'd watered it at eight the night before. The next door neighbours' idea of watering is rather akin to the hosing of the cattle trucks in Schindler's List, is it any surprise their grass is bleached white.

Mel Smith died, which was a bit of a shock. He was only 60 & had got rid of all that weight from his younger years some time ago.

For the benefit of Ollie, Sommie, Bobert, Steven & the rest of you that never saw Mel in action overseas (he & Gryff were part of the Not The Nine O'Clock News team that launched Rowan "Blackadder" Atkinson's career), here's Mel at his finest:-