The Official Nonsense Thread

[Minty]

(31-01-2015 01:48 PM)Caspin Wrote:  A Monopoly championship? Crikey. Did you win?! Perhaps the people there that you thought were weird were thinking the same about you! Did you have to play for hours and hours and hours and hours? It can take an awfully long time to play Monopoly unless you change the rules. I remember one Christmas we all tried to play it according to the proper rules until several people fell asleep and others lost the will to live, so we switched back to family rules, which includes an agreed end time. Also - what did you play with? I imagine you were the ship.

I'm always the iron.

The Monopoly championship was timed games with knock out or whoever had the most money and properties by the end. Under the "proper" rules it's pretty quick as the properties are all bought up shortly by auction. But it's crap without the Free Parking kitty.

I got to the final stage, & some girl from one of the local private schools would have won it, as she was the only one with a set. But one of those at our table was a Clydesdale bank employee (where it was being held) & the fat old middle aged bint threw a temper tantrum at the young one for being "selfish" in refusing to sell her spare properties so the others (including myself) could get sets. I pointed out to her this was no time to be noble as she stood to win an all expenses paid trip to London in a top hotel for the finals, but under pressure from the adjudicators (Hasbro bimbos & Clydesdale Bank staff) anxious to keep the bank sweet, she caved in, the fat bint got the orange set and needless to say won on the final money tally after two others landed on her - including the girl.

Worse, I had to spend both the semis and the final seated next to the smelliest soap dodger in the world, who strangely enough also worked in a bank.

Six months later I bumped into the girl at Glasgow railway station when I was waiting for a train (or rather she recognised me), & she told me her school wasn't happy she'd thrown it away as they wanted the free publicity (private schools up here are OBSESSED with PR opportunities).

I noticed TMN mentioning that Voltaire bloke again. Time for a confession. Remember when I was moaning about my home times back in November? Well on the Monday, it was my own fault I was home late. On my way into work, I had to go into town early & I saw a poster saying that this Voltaire was playing at the Classic Grand that night. After all the crap they've been saying about him, I couldn't resist seeing the guy in question to see if he was as good as claimed.

Actually, that's also a lie. He'd appeared over the weekend in an advert for Laphroaig whisky up here (I've never saw them advertise before) & instantly I thought anyone that loves Laphroaig's alright by me - it was sheer chance two days later I discovered he was in town!





It was also a chance to have a sneak look inside the notorious Classic Grand (for some reason a famous listed building), which for decades was Glasgow's only "dirty raincoat" cinema before it became a marginally more respectible rock club. When coming out of Woolworth's to get a bus home from the Jamaica Street, you would see all manner of seedy men approach the entrance, look both ways to make sure no one they knew saw them enter before running inside to see such highbrow Oscar nominees as "Confessions Of A Taxi Driver" & other such rubbish.

Going to the concert straight from work, I felt a bit weird in my respectable shirt & tie with all the Goth hordes & geeks (this guy has a LOT of geek fans), but I was put at ease by the man himself seconds after stepping through the door: he appears to do a lot of time before gigs going through as many of his audience as possible, talking with them, finding out what got them into his music & so on.

When he came to me that was awkward. Imagine for yourself the look on his face when I told him that I'd heard of him through the Mare's Nest.

"The Mare's Nest? Is that a club or a band?"
"No, it's a blog."
"Oh, is it a goth blog?"
"No, it's a Sims 3 blog?"
"A Sims 3 blog?" [Voltaire now looking confused]
"Yeah, the computer game. Some girl called Cloverstardropper or Switch or whatever her name is was a big fan of yours, & I think she got them into your stuff & they made Voltaire clothes for Sims players' Sims characters to wear"
[Voltaire now looking completely confused]
"Clover - what? Ur, I think I heard that name somewhere before? You say she's a switch?"
"No that's one of her other nicknames."

Voltaire by this stage was now looking utterly confused, so I quickly changed the subject to the Star Wars songs I'd heard him do, as an old friend of mine used to be the queen bee of the Star Wars fandom up in these parts years ago before she got married, & promised I'd buy a copy of his CD parodying it to pass onto her (which I did of course as a man of my word).

The night was hilarious, as between songs (it was an acoustic night it seemed with no band, or maybe that's how he usually plays?) he told tales of his many misadventures including a brilliant one about raiding Mexican graveyards with his son after the Day of the Dead for bottles of Cuban Rum which cannot be imported into the US, & the day he crashed the entire email system of the uni he works for (he's a professor!) when he asked someone to tell him what this Doctor Who TV show was about & it went viral.

My favourite song of the night was the "We Just Make Some S**t Up" song about every Star Trek episode where no matter what peril they're in, no matter how hopeless their situation, somehow 10 minutes before the end they ALWAYS pull some rabbit out of the hat & win.

This one was good as well - the motherf**kers he was telling to clap at the two minute mark were some old granny and I. We were the only two who chickened out of going on stage for the finale.





I hope he comes to Glasgow again, as it was excellent fun. It's a shame he's not got a bigger audience, he's got the talent certainly to gain one, but maybe he's happy this way.

Anyway, suppose I ought to say thank you TMN & Cloverstarwotsit for making what would have been an unbearable past November week that bit more bearable.