Would you ever?

[Minty]

I would never get a spray tan - unless there was some financial incentive for doing so!

Would you ever try hang-gliding?



Now for the story. Many years ago, a friend of mine was keen on a girl called Kirsty. He thought her pretty (which to be fair she was), I thought her pretty awful. She was stuck-up & seemed to be in a perma moody. But who your mates fancy is who your mates fancy, & a real one doesn't try & put them off. He'd had his advances rebuffed more times than Kevin with Winnie in "The Wonder Years".

It just so happened that one day at Uni I encountered her with some old acquaintances of mine from schooldays (who were friends of Kirsty's sister & so she reckoned by default were friends of hers. They were too kind to disabuse her of the notion). Pleasantries were exchanged, those between Kirsty & I being icy (I will admit, my reply icier), & with some artlessness said acquaintances (knowing the potential for a good laugh when they saw one) asked whether my friend was still chasing after Kirsty.

She made some sort of huffy remark to the effect that in terms of his chances hell would freeze over first (which some suspected was her protesting too much), & I retorted in my best imitation of her own looking down her nose at everyone style that I was glad of this because "he's far too good for the likes of you." That was the end of that topic amid some shocked giggles & some "now now, that's not nice"s.

Kirsty's seethe was priceless, & to be blunt she was long overdue getting taken down a peg, but my main motivation was I knew her enormous ego would want to get her sweaty mitts on my friend first chance she got to prove the point she could have any boy she wanted.

A week or so later, I encountered my friend with other old local mates of mine, & he told me that at the uni union club night, Kirsty had walked right up to him when he was with some mates from his class (it was one of their birthdays) & asked him to dance. "Game, Set & Match to Minty!" I thought.

No, he'd been in a feeling sorry for himself mood over the constant rebuffs that week, & when she'd come over to him - he by this stage a triple Jim Beam & two pints of Guinness to the good - he told her no. She stormed off in the huff with his friends derisive laughs ringing in her ears to make it a situation irretrievable.

I blew a fuse. "What the hell were you playing at? After all the funking trouble I went though to insult her for you!" It took me two attempts to explain to everyone what had happened. It was the moment I realised I'd never get a career at Matchmaker.com!