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A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - Printable Version

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Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - Majick - 21-03-2009 11:50 PM

No problem!  Just the way you ended it, I can't tell if they're saying she's murdered someone, or she's been murdered ^^  lol  As a writer myself I like to try and help others with polite criticism when I can :3

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - phoebe91 - 22-03-2009 04:36 AM

And the plot thickens! I just love it lol

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yummybunny - 24-03-2009 09:02 PM

I'm loving this too!

Especially the different plot twists.

And I agree with Yo Who Ate My Cheese, we can just picture the story, because we know what these people look like.

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yoshman9000 - 25-03-2009 03:22 AM

And yet the plot twists again! Smile I decided that this novel is going to be about two towns. Pleasantview, New Zealand and Springfield, Pennsylvania. The two towns are completely different, exept for one thing.

I must not spoil any more. Now on with the with the next phase! Oh yeah, I forgot to say this. The last six parts were Phase One- 1994- Pleasantview, New Zealand. This new Phase is Phase Two- 2005- Springfield, Pennsylvania.

Longest one so far! Tongue

Part One: The First Timer’s Dare

Luke Fallen

Before today, I would have never guessed that my first romance would have been at with a guy, and both of us only being thirteen. Though I had all my life been attracted to guys and only guys, I figured that a girl would of sooner of later forced herself on me. Although it’s not a surprise, I never expected for something like this to happen. He had been trembling in my arms, but never let go. I knew one thing. He enjoyed it.
             Anthony held his Pepsi can up in the air. “Too us!” he said to the group of people crowed around in the dirt. Everyone cheered and took a sip from their cans. We had been celebrating the first day of school. Every year, the same celebration had repeated. I stared at my can, reading the nutrition facts. Ok, thirty grams of sugar, so if I drink half of it, I’ll be ok, I thought menacingly.
Anthony stared at me, and said, “Why the hell do you always count your calories or whatever? It’s kind of weird.” I glanced up at him, but spoke nothing about it. Nobody on earth had known about my obsession about the way my body looks. Not even my parents. They thought that I was just a light eater, as I consistently ate on my own, and made my own meals. The last time that I had eaten with my family had been years ago. Ok, not years ago, but a long time ago.
Everyone put their sodas down and Anthony clapped his hands together. “Now its time to play dare double dare. Who wants to go first?” A few people put their hands up. He looked around, with a grin on his face, and finally pointed towards Heath. “Heath, dare or double dare?”
Heath let out a little chuckle and replied, “Double dare, of course!” Anthony thought for a second, than let out a devilish smile. He pointed towards me.
“I dare you to kiss Luke!” Heath’s jaw dropped as he turned his head to me. Everyone gasped as the whole crowd turned quite. Kiss him! He’s a guy! I don’t like guys, or do I? I got up from my knees and slowly and dejectedly paced towards Heath. He got up also as we gradually walked away from the crowd.
Not glancing back, Heath whispered, “We’re not doing this, are we?” I didn’t say anything. The only thing that was slightly close to an answer that he got was from rustling my feet made as I stepped through the autumn leaves.

~-><-~
We rested on the immense rock that sat far away from anyone else. I looked at him for the first time since minutes ago. He gazed back at me; his blue eyes were gleaming in the sun. “You ready?” I asked as I inched closer towards him.
Hesitating, he answered, “Yes” I took a deep breathe and sluggishly placed my lips on the top of his. A minute passed. Two minutes. Three minutes.
I backed off for a moment and quietly asked, “You want more?” He nodded and closed his eyes as I stuck my tongue down his throat.
Ten Minutes Later…
“Luke?”
“What?”
“Please don’t stop.”
“I won’t.”

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - Ugly Von - 25-03-2009 11:56 PM

Loved the update Smile.
I wanna find out about Lilith though.. Sad

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yoshman9000 - 25-03-2009 11:58 PM

(25-03-2009 11:56 PM)tehhAnnasaur. link Wrote:Loved the update Smile.
I wanna find out about Lilith though.. Sad

Lilith is only one of the victims in my novel. You find out what happened to them  in the end of the novel.

Thanks! Big Grin

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yoshman9000 - 26-03-2009 11:07 PM

New plans.

The next time I write more of my novel, instead of continuing with another person's point of view, I'll write more about John Burb. The next few dozen pages are going to be about him, and the next few dozen are going to be about Angela. And so on.....until the end of the novel.

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - phoebe91 - 27-03-2009 07:26 AM

That's cool! I can't wait to read more though. You got me hooked!

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yoshman9000 - 28-03-2009 04:28 PM

(27-03-2009 07:26 AM)Phoebe link Wrote:That's cool! I can't wait to read more though. You got me hooked!
Thanks Phoebe!

I got new plans. (Yet again!) The new plans is that the rest on the novel is going to be about the thirteen year-old kid names Luke Fallen who you read about before is gay. His dad is dead. He gets diagnosed with Anorexia. Him and his mom go on a vacation to Pleasantview, New Zealand. He finds out about the murder with Lilith Pleasant and the killer goes after him. Hopefully this plan will stay...Smile

On with the next update!

Part Two: What is with him?

September 4th, 2008

I walked home, thinking about what had just happened. Heath and I had been making out for a half an hour straight. We had finally impeded when his mom had called him, asking him to come home for dinner. He kissed me one more time and we both left. I followed him home. The whole time we were silent with nothing to say. Arriving at his house, I asked him, “Will you be my boyfriend?”
He just gave me a quick “I don’t know” and stepped into his house. Now here I am, cold and alone again. If he didn’t want to be my boyfriend, then why did he kiss me in the first place? Was he ashamed or embarrassed in us? Or was he just confused about the whole situation in the first place? I knew that he enjoyed making out with me, but what was with him?
I walked up my front steps, holding onto the railing. My shoes scraped against the pavement in front of my house. I fished for my keys in my front pocket and held out my key, unlocking the front door. I slowly paced into the living room. My mom was in there, sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. She put the magazine down and looked towards me. “Are you finished packing?” she asked.
I nodded. She was talking about our vacation to New Zealand. Every year my mom and I had gone on a vacation. Last year, we went to Iceland. My dad was there with us though. The trip was just a month before he had been in a car crashed and died. My mom still cries in the middle of the night, but I try to ignore it because I can’t stand it when she cries. It’s not like I’m not sensitive or anything, whenever she cries, she’s so emotional that it makes me want to cry. I never cried in front of anyone. Not even my mom. I would scurry into my room, and let it all out.
I deliberately sauntered up the stairs, hearing my mom say, “Remember, we have to go to the doctors in an hour. I think he can figure out if you have anorexia or not.”

Re: A Pleasant Crisis (A short novel in process) :) - yoshman9000 - 31-03-2009 03:24 AM

Just a little reminder to everyone who reads this. Please, give me feedback after every update. It helps me.

Anyways, I'm giving out copies of the novel when it's finished. If anyone wants one, I can e-mail you the documents.