What do you thinksies? :)

[Bexy 1239]

(07-10-2008 04:09 AM)phoebe91 link Wrote:Dang, that's better than what I could have written!

Your beginning is very strong. However when you get to the point "Suddenly, three things changed. ", it looses its grasps, almost reminds me of an essay lol. So while you start strong, you end kinda weak. Although if you changed it up slightly, it'd probably be stronger then. I think that line and the paragraph after it is the weak spot, although there may be more that I can't see at the moment.

Those were my initial opinions, and they could change by reading it again, but yeah, I though I'd share it with you.

Woo! Thanks, I'll edit when I have the time